Should I take it back?? And do I even want to??
Have you ever said something and didn't realize it was offensive and then the person you said it to got upset about it??? Well that happened between me and the hubby yesterday. He was telling me a story and I characterized him and the group of people he was talking about...no, it wasn't racial...and he got upset. I was annoyed and hung up with him. We then didn't talk the rest of the day...then when he came home, he didn't so much as even say hello. Made himself some dinner...even washed some of his clothes. I had already forgotten about the situation, but of course, I wasn't the one offended. So I asked him, "Whats with you?" He tells me, "nothing."
Okay...I try to go to sleep and its buggin' me that his @$$ can fall asleep no problem at all and here I am lying awake wondering what the heck did I do! So I wake him up and ask him what the hell is going on...again, he tells me, "nothing." So I press somemore and he goes back to the conversation we had about 11 hours previous.
Now I realize that what I said is offensive. Initially I looked at it as a statement of fact...which in my defense it still is a fact...but it's one of those facts that maybe you don't want to admit or have someone else admit it for you. So here we are a day later and I've decided that I'm annoyed with him too! And while I recognize that I've offended him, right now I'm not sorry. He could've dealt with this in a better way...but since he chose to act like a child I'm jumpin' on the kiddie train with him!
After all...why do I always have to be the adult! Nananana boo boo!
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So back to your situation... maybe you can apologize for the fact that your statement offended him, but that doesn't necessarily mean you apologize for what you said. Hell... my friends and I joke about racial things all the time, but we all understand that we're open to same insults and whatnot. Categorizing people is part of this joking around, too, so who the hell cares? if it offends you, SAY SOMETHING RIGHT AWAY. I hate this passive aggressive bullshit.
okay, I better stop there or else I'll rant about people. hah.
you know thats the funny thing...we normally joke around alot too and between the two of us, he's the more laid back one. i guess this particular comment really hit a nerve. you're right though...i'm not sorry about the comment because its a fact, its not an emotional statement, its a yes/no, true/false fact...although i realize that my saying it offends him. i'm more bothered by his "passive aggressiveness" as you said. if he had said right then, "look, what you said might be true, but it bothers me that you say it..." or something like that i could deal...but to stew over it for half a day and then tried to act like nothing was wrong is annoying...it's not like we're headed to divorce court, i'm just irritated with him right now...and as he is with me!
how long have you known your hubby and how long have you been married? i think it all depends on how you worded your comment. if it was more like a serious note from you, and it pressed his button, then you've put him in the same category as the people he was talking about an you've hurt his feelings because he might feel that he was just like them... don't know what the topic was but compaing ones character to another one is really not a good idea of a conversation... like my wife says, if you don't have anything good to say about a person don't say anything.. i need to know what the topic is all about before i can make a educational guess.... but one needs to be able to be more tactful..